i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
