I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
