I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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