I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
