The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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