Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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