Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
