its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
