Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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