Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
