Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
