Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
