You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
the liver wants what the liver wants
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
