Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I queefed so loud it echoed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
