I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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