Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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