WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
