and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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