I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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