From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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