the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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