I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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