Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
