the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
