So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
