Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
