a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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