Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Houston, we have a squirter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
