i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
