we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
home. puking in laundry basket.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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