I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
