You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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