I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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