I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
then he tried to convert me to islam
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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