It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
