Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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