im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
