I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
soo... how was my night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
