Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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