the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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