There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Randomize
