I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
