hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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