Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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