I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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