I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
