did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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