life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
