i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
