i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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