If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
