I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
