Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Operation Purity has been aborted
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
