When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
did i just pee glitter
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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