I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
