Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
