spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
