I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
