Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
