The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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