Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
