why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize