If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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