He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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