what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
