I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
