we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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