there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
