He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
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