I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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