All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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