omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
