And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
