girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
