you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
