ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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