Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
