im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize