if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
