I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
As shirtless as possible
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
