walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
