wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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