So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
