kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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