If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He kissed a someone with a penis
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize