Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
