this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
