omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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