Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
