wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
