How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
