You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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