this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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