I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
