I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
