I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
