WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
