i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We got so high we made milksteak
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
