I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
