I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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