i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
