I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
