Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
