sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
