watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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