So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
