just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
